Very Often we find ourselves depressed for not being better. We detest ourselves for not being as intelligent as our colleague, capable as our boss, qualified as a friend, smart as our spouse, rich as our neighbour and even lucky as a sibling. We compare with others and crave for being better as someone at something. Whenever we reflect on our life from various dimensions its natural that we find some one better than us or we come in face with our inaility to meet our own standards. In other words, we fail to be what we think is perfect and keep grieving over it.
Don Miguel Ruiz in his book “The Four Agreements” says our image of perfection is the reason “we reject ourselves – the way we are – and why we don’t accept others the way they are.”
But in reality there is no point where we say “yes, this is perfect.” Perfection is an illusion and is driven by one’s ego. To say that something is perfect means that it is flawless. But this is nothing but overlooking negative realities. Therefore perfection is impractical, however hard our minds wants to convince us otherwise. We conclude that we are not perfect by counting our failures. We measure our success with respect to others and belittle it. While assessing our success and worth we don’t assign any value to what we have learnt from a failure.Also we don’t compare what we are now with what we are earlier. We fail to consider how in the first place it is possible to reach perfection without failing, learning and improving.
Striving for perfection is attempting to remove our defects or hiding them. In essence it is denying ourselves. Instead, we should focus on what we call “wholeness”. It can guide support and actually make a difference. Wholeness is all inclusive of our life. If it talks about the importance of doing things right to succeed it also tells about taking risks and exploring options. Perfection drags our attention to what went wrong or is imperfect. Wholeness helps discover what our shortcomings can teach us. It helps us realise that flaws and imperfections are eminently necessary and useful so that we value and cherish every moment and experience.
Striving for perfection also exhausts us because we lose connection with our self and get lost in the process of adapting to an unrealistic personality. So the moment we encounter negative feelings and emotions that entail this attempt, we should stop and introspect to identify our true self. At this stage when we calm down and explore our inner selves, we understand the sense and significance of wholeness. We gain the courage to accept ourselves.
Feeling ashamed of flaws and trying to deny them affects suffering. We begin to reject ourselves and develop destructive behaviour. But when we embrace them, we develop compassion, empathy and tolerance. This way we not only improve our lives but also support others in relieving themselves from their suffering. Finally, Attaining perfection is an idealistic attempt and does no good when forced upon one self. Instead the pursuit of wholeness is more practical and rewarding.
What Do You Think Of ? ? Do you Like to be a Perfectionist ? ? Do you Strive for Perfection or Wholeness ? ?
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